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| Two nights ago, I felt some need. It seemed like a wanted to reach out and grab something. The air was cool, the bus seats were... moist. And I was tired. I was tired of being awake and tired of living without someone to touch. Lately, high fives have quenched this hankering for touch, but now I crave it. And it scares me. This feeling of helplessness is so strange.
Something from my past haunted me that night. An old friend, in the last form that I saw her--an eighth grader, a red head. A sax and a cello player. That same smile, as if she knew we would never be friends again. She seemed distant, as if she had already left the past. She saw the future and floated off.
Why is it so difficult to write about my past without crying? I can only write about my past when I am numb from cold and fatigue at 3 AM. Then, the tears don't come. They wait inside, saving themselves for another day, another night.
I missed someone's birthday, almost a month ago. Ah, I missed a birthday a month ago, too, but I never met that girl. October 11th, I knew it, and I didn't do anything. I regret doing so. I still remember when I was at my grandparents' home and I found your screenname on my buddylist. I still don't know how it got there, but I was glad for it. You're great. Change, grow. It feels like I'm leaving, but I'm not.
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| alright, so finally back online. well, I was yesterday.. but not really. anyways... it's been nice to be online. and it's been nice being offline. while offline, i met
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| ok, so I'm here in San Diego right now and I really don't know why I'm typing this up. I guess it's just because yesterday was just plain awesome. There's this girl whose eyes are really great, like.. I just look into them and I don't know what happens, but it looks like they're really really deep. and then there's a girl who's got eyes that are pitch black everywhere. It's really cool.
Oh, right and I'm still hurdling. Even though my knees hurt. And I'm running long distance so that I don't die someday. Did y'all know that rhinoceroses Moo like cows? I'm dead serious about this, that they moo. I was standing like, four feet away from one (I attracted it with my aloe vera smell) and it just moo'd.
My hair's been behaving really well, except that I can't get the part in the right spot. But it's really really soft. I'm not even kidding. It's the softest hair i've ever felt, and if you felt it, you'd agree. it's pretty sweet here at cosmos. uhh.. there's a promotional video on youtube. just.. here it is. This is seriously a great experience. Uh.. I'll see all of you back at school. I miss you all so much. Every night, I just stand in front of the window, looking at the street--all emolike-- and think about you. SOme of you I miss more than others, but wait, Ok, I miss people off of xanga more, for some reason. anyways, It's getting late so I should go to bed. K, goodnight.
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| ok, so let's see.. this whole class selecting thing is getting out of control. the track coach just told us, today, that we have to take offseason track next year.. or we can't join track during the spring. offseason kills my schedule. and what's worse.. he even knows that we have to turn in our schedules tomorrow. Great, Mr.. just wait after we've gotten all our signatures.. and make us redo a good chunk of our schedule. wtf. now my classes are way too easy. i need to talk with a counselor about this. I'm taking.. 2, maybe 3 BS classes.. if you count Spanish. and 1/4 of my schedule's just devoted to track? wtf. wow. wtf.. i used wtf.
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| One thing always annoys me at school. Every day, people stand and talk in the door way. Every day, people stand and talk in the middle of the hallway. Every day, people walk on the wrong side of the hallway. Every day, people rush through the wrong door.
If you've ever bumped into someone, then you seriously need to follow these directions. Walk on the right (not left) side of the hallway. Don't stop in the middle of a doorway. Don't stand in the middle of an aisle. Go through the right (not left) door.
One day, people will learn that the second saved by walking on the wrong side of the hallway isn't worth the trouble of running into people. Join me as I walk on the right side of the hallway and go through the right door.
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